Love-avoider—Avoidant Attachment
– Deep “mother wounds”
– Avoid closeness because your independence and self sufficiency are more important
– Not comfortable sharing their feelings
– Protect your freedom and delay commitment
– Words and actions don’t always match because they commit to things when heart is open but when fear kicks in, they become afraid of losing freedom and retract.
– They engage in distancing behaviours such as prioritizing things outside of the relationship
– Make unilateral decisions
– Partner often appears needy to you
– They don’t worry about your relationship ending there is a pretence that they don’t have attachment
– Their needs are
repressed because they tend to bury their feelings in order to prevent “hurt”
– They are focused on self and overly attentive to own safety and comfort. They tend to lead a more inward life by denying the importance of loved ones and easily disconnect
– They are very defensive and have the ability to shut down emotionally
– Their partners tell them that they don’t meet their needs and that they are not “open” enough
– Avoid connection & do not share their feelings
– Common attachment style for those who grew up with unhealthy, dependent, overbearing or controlling parents. It was a way of distancing from the disappointment of not having their real needs met and that disappointment has stayed with them.
– They often neglect their own needs or don’t know how to take care of themselves properly.
How to BALANCE both these styles & get to a “secured” connection, is what follows shortly.
Stay Tuned!
Sheetal R Ahuja